F.R.E.E.   Family Recovery thru Education & Empowerment


Image of trash can    Relationships 

Relationships are difficult enough to do when two people are clean and sober. Recovering relationships usually carry excess baggage that is useless but hinders the relationship. Two recovering people who marry carry huge trash bags to the church while hiding them from each other and the people attending. As they turn to be introduced as one, they kick their bags behind them out of view. When arriving home, they put the bags in a safe place but not for long. The plastic begins to tear and each person sees the otherís trash for the first time. The one thing each person did not want to happen just appeared and now it has to be dealt with. The problem just got worse.

For info and guidance on dating relationships, check out the Rules of Dating page also!


QUESTION: Is it possible to have a relationship with someone who is using drugs or alcohol?

ANSWER: The root of all evil with alcoholics and addicts is being selfish and self-centered. You can have a relationship with someone who is under the influence most of the time, but be prepared to spend countless hours feeling alone and abandoned.

QUESTION: I am dating several people and met a person that told me they were in a 12 Step Program. I do not understand what that means.

ANSWER: They are attending self-help meetings to work on whatever problem they are dealing with. It is suggested that a person new to recovery from addiction or any other dysfunctional lifestyle avoid any significant relationships for at least the first year.

QUESTION: I have had one failed relationship after another. What would be a positive move to stop this from happening to me?

ANSWER: It has been my experience after four failed marriages that the problem was me. I had a difficult time admitting that. The deeper I dug; the more I found that proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was the problem. I went into therapy with a clinician that I trusted and it turned out to be the best experience of my life.

QUESTION: Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with a recovering person?

ANSWER: Absolutely! Someone who is attending meetings and working a program of recovery can be an asset to a relationship. It is our responsibility to keep moving forward and growing spiritually. I personally work with people that need to learn what honor, commitment, value, and communication really mean. Recovering people do not lack the desire, we lack the tools.

QUESTION: What is the best advice you could give to two recovering people wanting to begin a new relationship?

ANSWER: Make sure both of you have the same religious beliefs. Put God first in every thing you do. Do not just go to meetings together. Each of you needs your own recovery support system. No sexual involvement before marriage.  Look into counseling as a couple. Be prepared to be criticized by those who do not condone what you are doing. But, would you listen to them anyway? . For more in-depth information, please visit the Rules of Dating page.

QUESTION: If someone does not want to work on a relationship, will they ever change their mind?

ANSWER: Too many times I have seen someone remain in a relationship that is going nowhere because they believe the other person will change someday. You cannot change anyone except yourself. You can however, change the way you are and be the change you want to see in them. If that fails, they do not want to change, they are just wasting your time.

Related Links

Marriage Self-Help      http://MarriageSelfHelp.com

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