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Relationships are
difficult enough to do when two people are clean and sober. Recovering
relationships usually carry excess baggage that is useless but hinders the
relationship. Two recovering people who marry carry huge trash bags to the
church while hiding them from each other and the people attending. As they
turn to be introduced as one, they kick their bags behind them out of view.
When arriving home, they put the bags in a safe place but not for long. The
plastic begins to tear and each person sees the other’s trash for the
first time. The one thing each person did not want to happen just appeared
and now it has to be dealt with. The problem just got worse.
For info and guidance on dating relationships, check out the Rules
of Dating page also!
QUESTION & ANSWER
QUESTION: Is it possible to have a relationship with someone who is using drugs or
alcohol?
ANSWER: The root of all evil with alcoholics and addicts is being selfish and
self-centered. You can have a relationship with someone who is under the influence most of
the time, but be prepared to spend countless hours feeling alone and abandoned.
QUESTION: I am dating several people and met a person that told me they were in a
12 Step Program. I do not understand what that means.
ANSWER: They are attending self-help meetings to work on whatever problem they
are dealing with. It is suggested that a person new to recovery from addiction or any
other dysfunctional lifestyle avoid any significant relationships for at least the first
year.
QUESTION: I have had one failed relationship after another. What would be a
positive move to stop this from happening to me?
ANSWER: It has been my experience after four failed marriages that the problem
was me. I had a difficult time admitting that. The deeper I dug; the more I found that
proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was the problem. I went into therapy with a
clinician that I trusted and it turned out to be the best experience of my life.
QUESTION: Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with a recovering person?
ANSWER: Absolutely! Someone who is attending meetings and working a program of
recovery can be an asset to a relationship. It is our responsibility to keep moving
forward and growing spiritually. I personally work with people that need to learn what
honor, commitment, value, and communication really mean. Recovering people do not lack the
desire, we lack the tools.
QUESTION: What is the best advice you could give to two recovering people wanting
to begin a new relationship?
ANSWER: Make sure both of you have the same religious beliefs. Put God first in
every thing you do. Do not just go to meetings together. Each of you needs your own
recovery support system. No sexual
involvement before marriage.
Look into
counseling as a couple. Be prepared to be criticized by those who do not condone what you
are doing. But, would you listen to them anyway? . For more in-depth
information, please visit the Rules of Dating page.
QUESTION: If someone does not want to work on a relationship, will they ever change
their mind?
ANSWER: Too many times I have seen someone remain in a relationship that is going
nowhere because they believe the other person will change someday. You cannot change
anyone except yourself. You can however, change the way you are and be the change you want
to see in them. If that fails, they do not want to change, they are just wasting your
time.
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Relationships