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I would first like
to point out the cycle that comes with love addiction.
It is important to understand how this cycle works because when you are
in it, you can’t see it.
#1 – Reaching for the
pain.
You embrace the pain and you don’t like it. This could be loneliness, feelings of abandonment, isolation,
or loss.
#2 – Reaching for the
addictive agent.
This is usually someone that you believe you will fall in love with.
They are everything you want (so you think), but this will only last
for a short period of time.
#3 – Temporary
anesthesia.
This numbs the pain for a period of time. You don’t have to feel your pain when you are starting a
new relationship, or adventure in your life.
This is also referred to as the romance period of a relationship, but
remember, during this phase, each of you is always on your best behavior.
#4 – Negative
consequences.
This usually shows up in arguing.
A sense of being abandoned and not wanted tends to bring out the worst
in you. Waiting for the other
person to call and before they have a chance to explain, you jump all over
them. You over-react to things
you don’t need to react to at all. They
stop seeing you for a period of time using statements like, “I’m busy, and
I will call you later.” Later
never comes, so you do the honorable thing, call and call and call until they
pick up the telephone and explain why they don’t want to see you.
#5 – Shame and Guilt.
You are now alone again and feeling guilty for the way you behaved.
You were not good enough for them; you didn’t measure up.
This is intensified when the other person immediately goes out with
someone else. Feelings of
rejection fill your life and they consume your time in worry, wonder and most
of all, figuring out what they are doing while they are away from you.
#1 – Reaching for the
pain.
You embrace the pain and you don’t like it. This could be loneliness, feelings of abandonment, isolation,
or loss.
See what I mean?
This constant circle that we get stuck in has no way out.
Love addiction is one that is hard to intervene in.
For most of us, it is easier to blame the other person and what they
did than look at ourselves. Just
like a line of cocaine, a bottle of beer, love addiction allows us not to feel
our feelings. Remember, addiction
is a feelings disease.
The solution is simple
while difficult to deal with. Intervention
must occur and the individual must face life on life’s terms.
Being with themselves and dealing with their own issues is hard because
it tends to bring the cycle of addiction back into their lives. I want to let you know that it is all right for females to be
around females and males around males. In
fact, early in recovery this can be an asset.
Related Links
Marriage
Self-Help http://MarriageSelfHelp.com
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