F.R.E.E.   Family Recovery thru Education & Empowerment


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I would first like to point out the cycle that comes with love addiction.  It is important to understand how this cycle works because when you are in it, you canít see it.

#1 Ė Reaching for the pain.  You embrace the pain and you donít like it.  This could be loneliness, feelings of abandonment, isolation, or loss.

#2 Ė Reaching for the addictive agent.  This is usually someone that you believe you will fall in love with.  They are everything you want (so you think), but this will only last for a short period of time.

#3 Ė Temporary anesthesia.  This numbs the pain for a period of time.  You donít have to feel your pain when you are starting a new relationship, or adventure in your life.  This is also referred to as the romance period of a relationship, but remember, during this phase, each of you is always on your best behavior.

#4 Ė Negative consequences.  This usually shows up in arguing.  A sense of being abandoned and not wanted tends to bring out the worst in you.  Waiting for the other person to call and before they have a chance to explain, you jump all over them.  You over-react to things you donít need to react to at all.  They stop seeing you for a period of time using statements like, ďIím busy, and I will call you later.Ē  Later never comes, so you do the honorable thing, call and call and call until they pick up the telephone and explain why they donít want to see you.

#5 Ė Shame and Guilt.  You are now alone again and feeling guilty for the way you behaved.  You were not good enough for them; you didnít measure up.  This is intensified when the other person immediately goes out with someone else.  Feelings of rejection fill your life and they consume your time in worry, wonder and most of all, figuring out what they are doing while they are away from you.

#1 Ė Reaching for the pain.  You embrace the pain and you donít like it.  This could be loneliness, feelings of abandonment, isolation, or loss.

See what I mean?  This constant circle that we get stuck in has no way out.  Love addiction is one that is hard to intervene in.  For most of us, it is easier to blame the other person and what they did than look at ourselves.  Just like a line of cocaine, a bottle of beer, love addiction allows us not to feel our feelings.  Remember, addiction is a feelings disease. 

The solution is simple while difficult to deal with.  Intervention must occur and the individual must face life on lifeís terms.  Being with themselves and dealing with their own issues is hard because it tends to bring the cycle of addiction back into their lives.  I want to let you know that it is all right for females to be around females and males around males.  In fact, early in recovery this can be an asset.  

Related Links

Marriage Self-Help    http://MarriageSelfHelp.com

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This page last edited:  Jan 15, 2009 07:59 PM

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